Trust me I get it. 

I didn’t rush to get my vaccine either. 

-I already had Covid. sucked and definitely not just the flu. Yes, all individual experiences vary. 

-I wanted to wait to just make sure that it didn’t cause complications for those of us that have autoimmune issues. 

-I don’t like putting meds in my body, they make me feel more off than just suffering from whatever they are supposed to treat. -Even though I’ve eaten “McDonalds” in my life..I just wasn’t sure how I felt

-I definitely didn’t want the government to tell me that I had to.. in order to keep my job. My body is not anyone’s property. 

After lots of up, downs and sideways.. we decided to go get a vaccine.. 

It was too late. 

My boyfriend was already sick. He tested positive a few days later and he was admitted to the hospital a few days after that. He is on the one approved antiviral treatment and masked with oxygen. Covid won’t allow him to keep a healthy level of oxygen saturation, his lungs can’t keep up with just tiny little movements. 

Everything else checks out. 

Covid has taken over. 

He told me today his body is exhausted and he doesn’t know how much longer he can do this. 

He and I don’t see eye to eye on mental health, mind over body, asking the questions, wondering if he’s in the best hands. If the medical staff are doing everything and all they can..  they are doing good but is it enough? Are we maxed on possible treatments? Are they feeding him foods for lung health? Is he magnesium deficient, can he get that in his IV? What else can be done alternatively? Why don’t they have him moving around? Our bodies need movement right? 

Today the doctors tell him not to be on his phone, not to communicate with his humans, to rest as much as he can. Saving breath I guess? He follows their orders, I ask too many questions. 

And I’m left in the dark. Battling between this isn’t anything about me and how I feel, and trying to protect my loved one. 

Here I am no communication. No visits. No updates. Frustration and anger. Sadness..breaking point and beyond. What if’s. How comes. It’s all there. 

I’m not here to say do one thing or another. I’m here to tell you how broken I am. Helpless. 

If you can help yourself or your loved ones to avoid where he is at, try. 

If you care to avoid leaving your loved ones feeling like I feel, try. 

Maybe his whole situation could’ve been avoided, maybe it couldn’t have. We don’t know. 

But it sucks. 💔❤️‍🩹 prayers, vibes, thoughts all appreciated. 

PS: Don’t you dare fucking come at me with anything negative regarding these words. Loves. ☮️