A moment from May 12, 2022, National Police Week
To the young widow in the bright pink dress,
I think of you often since that day. You are a strong, beautiful, hurting soul and I wish I would have reached out to meet you and hugged you hard. Even though we all have different family dynamics as we arrive to this special event, we are one in that we have and are suffering a deep loss of a loved one.
Although the day was full of memorial and recognition for their sacrifice, we were all present that day under the worst circumstance. I said to my support team that morning that I had changed out of my bright purplish tank top because everyone else in that city would be dressed in black, navy, gray, tan or green. But not you, you wore and rocked that bright pink dress. Was it his favorite? Did it have sentimental memories of a date night with your loved one? Did you feel him with you as you looked in the mirror? Either way you were seen, and I loved that you pulled it off perfectly. I wish you could read this, so you know how bold and powerful it was of you to stay true to your colorful self in such a dark time of life.
Just like you my heart hurts daily and when I said I think of you often, there is more to my thoughts than just noticing you as the only one wearing color in a sea of neutral darkness. They called out his name and you tried, you tried so hard and yet you could not hold it in, you were heard grieving your loss in that silent moment, the crowd of people in silence.
You are amazing. I would have swallowed razor blades before being confident enough to be “the one that cried out loud.” I want to, trust me. I want to yell and scream, I want to cry so loud the universe hears, but I hold back to prove to everyone I am and will be okay. I fear the anxiety of everyone knowing it was me, everyone’s heads turned towards my whaling sobs. Not you though, you did not give a $#*& and I envy you for that. We are not raised to know how to respond to grief, no one has it down. Reality is it is how we choose to handle it, yet as humans when someone is different it creates judgement. I do not judge you, my heart sinks for you and I am jealous.
You are a force. You stayed true to yourself, rocking that pink dress. I am so dang proud of you for expressing your emotions your way no matter who is around. I hope you realize how much respect others have for you after that somber, emotionally beautiful cry out. It stung our core, we grieve for you and your family, and each of us in attendance that day.
Another example of how lucky we are to have loved someone so much, that it hurts this much to lose them. We are loved and they are with angels.
XO, J
Gut, Grit and Gall 