I know for some that as their children become young adults they are elated. Obviously they still love their children but they exclaim and glamorize things like celebrating them being 18 so they don’t have to pay child support or celebrate loudly they are turning their kids room into an office/gym. I could not be more opposite of wanting them to be out of the house or even within earshot of them hearing something of that nature. I want them to know that I respect their changing lives, and want them to spread their wings but I very much am still there for them no matter what and I would never want them to feel that I was only there for the first 18 years.

I remember once saying that sometimes when my teens would go with friends I would ask them to check in and depending on who they were with or where they said they were going I’d ask for a picture or even a quick Facetime, something to ease my mind. I had someone say something to the tune of, “oh good grief I would never do that”

I wondered if it seemed over board. I am sitting here reading a blog about a family that lost an infant right after birth and her text messages to her older children about their whereabouts later on as the years have passed. She says something that really sparked my mom heart.

“I am not a helicopter mom. I am a ‘you have to come home safe to me or I will die’ mom”

Hits a bit different, right?

I am a coparent. I am one who learned by her mistakes as a teen and a young adult. I am also one who overcame what could have been an addictive lifestyle. I am not one who judges those that choose differently than I. I am one who hopes that my history and my future has helped mold my children into better humans than I will ever be.

I have to live with outside influences affecting my children. I have to remember that I made choices, some good and some not so good. I have to remember that not all families are the same. I have to breathe when comments are made that may or may not lead to irresponsibility by my teenagers. I know I have to let them live and learn.

But it is hard.

It is hard to think that society has glamourized drinking for so long. It is hard that adults believe they are above the law and untouchable by authorities. It is tough being against the popular opinion that certain milestones lead families to believe that laws go out the door. I do not understand the irresponsibility of adults (parents) offering and supplying alcohol to under age youth.

Two years ago my daughter was up all night running her drunk friends home from a grad party that the parents had left the teens to their own devices. If you are okay with your child drinking I would think that you would also be okay with that phone call for a ride when they are done. However, here was my daughter out on the roads with that ‘leaving the bar crowd” picking up and delivering scared, crying teenagers who were terrified to go home to their parents. The next day it was apparent that most of those parents knew where their child was but didn’t find it in them to have that conversation to say, “I will come pick you up when you are ready, no matter what time it is.” It was a long night at my house, but worth the peace of mind that those kiddos had made it home safe.

Society has aged certain moments in time. Meaning the events and hobbies of certain ages of humans were much different 10, 20, 30 years ago. Its like the meme that says what I looked like in 8^th grade vs. what today’s 8^th graders look like. Growing up keeps getting harder and harder. Society expects you to look, be and feel a certain way in order to be accepted, and as we all know, being accepted is the ONLY thing that matters. (until you realize it really isn’t.) 

An influencer I follow was asked, “What did your parents do to help you become an entrepreneur?” His response, “The let me be a kid, they supported my thoughts and my dreams. But they let me be a kid.” (he was making 6 figures from his dorm room btw)

Encourage them to be a kid. (adulting sucks, what is the rush!)

I write this in hope to reawaken those parental responsibilities. Remember how nervous you were to drive them home from the hospital? Remember how nervous you were to leave them overnight for the first time? Remember their first sleepover with a friend, they called at 1am to come home with a stomach ache of nerves. Remember those bus trips in no visibility blizzards where you just waited and waited for that call to say they made it and they needed a ride. Remember their first long distance drive alone. So soon we forget.

I never want to have to attend my child’s funeral because someone else’s parent thought it was cool to be the “cool” mom and supply alcohol. We all have our story of who we knew that lost their life too young for whatever reasons, we also know we carry that “it wont happen to me” mentality. I also never want to attend your child’s funeral.

I am not a helicopter mom. I am simply a mother who wants the longest life full of experiences for my children, and also the “you have to come home safe to me or I’ll die” mom. 

Someone has to say it.